Going to get on the fertility drug train...

We decided since our insurance will cover the fertility drugs, we're going to try that. Not looking forward to the mood swings that are likely to come about, but it could be worse. This is the last step I'm willing to take. If it doesn't work, we'll adopt eventually.

In other news, we're flooding in our yard. Seriously, the river is in my yard.

This is before they broke up the ice jam. It's higher now but I have to charge my camera battery.

No luck at all....next steps

So I've been bleeding for 12 days now. Yeah, TWELVE days. I called my doctor and they said that it's the sign that means I haven't been ovulating. F***ing hell.

This means that I have to take medication to stop the bleeding (which I have taken before), and then start taking fertility meds to make me ovulate.

I don't know how I feel about that, besides sad. I wanted to get pregnant without meds, but I know how difficult that will be (I don't want to wait another seven years for a child), so I guess if we're going to have baby number 2 I have to do this.

Baldman and I have a deal: we won't do IVF, which is what the next step would be if the fertility drugs don't work. It costs too much and if we had to use a surrogate there is no one I would want to do that. There has been an offer from a family member, but there is no way I would want that to happen with that person.

I really want to adopt if this doesn't work; Baldman is still not for it completely, but maybe this will change things.....I mean, the fertility meds are supposed to make people a little crazy, so what would he prefer, a crazy wife or a (not quite) normal wife?

No more school, no more guilt

Convinced the Baldman that school needs to be on the back burner and he agreed. He also was okay with me getting into Pampered Chef, which is awesome.

I've been waiting for the guilt to come, but other than a little in the beginning of making this decision, I don't feel sorry or any real guilt. Between Monkey Child needing more and more attention and Baldman's physical limitations getting worse this is the best thing I could have done. Last night I slept well for the first time in months. I've been able to get mostly caught up on housework and have been able to give Monkey Child the extra one on one time he's been wanting lately.

In other news, no luck on the babymaking front, but I'm thinking once warmer weather hits and Baldman's knees and back stop bugging him so much, it'll be easier to get into that babymaking mood. ;-)

Feeling lost

I'm feeling very lost.

I can't stand the school I am at; the lack of structure and socializing, not to mention the abysmal ineptitude of the accounting and financial aid departments have killed my drive to go to school. I've been considering another program, but to try and balance school and Monkey Child is getting to me and I can't keep up with it all. I want to quit.

The problem is Bald Man. I've been telling him how I feel and how much I want to stop school until MonkeyChild is in school himself, but he's not listening. I know he's stressed; the impending government shutdown means he may not get a paycheck for awhile (but will still have to work) and we'll have to go back on public assistance for awhile. But damn it, I can't keep up with the kiddo, plus his increasing pain levels which leave me doing everything except driving.

I think it'll be time to take some time away from school, maybe do some writing and finish those unfinished novels I've been working on for years when I get the itch to write; plus I can focus on little man more often, which is something he's needing more and more lately. I'm looking at doing some sort of direct sales like Pampered Chef to bring in some extra money, so maybe taking a break from school would be good. Especially if we continue to try for another baby.

Now, how do I convince Baldman that this is the right thing to do?

so failing on the Babycenter challenge

There is a challenge on Babycenter blogs this week about having sex every day for a week. Yeah. Failing that one BIG TIME!

However: I've been using these pee on a stick ovulation predictor sticks because of the PCOS, and it's time to boogie, so maybe we can make it 5 out of 7 days? LOL he gets home late tonight because he's working in at his old shop, but he knows it's boogie night, so we're getting ready! wish us luck and babydust!!

Needs a mommy break

Not a break from my mom, but we're pretty much on that already except for her comments on Facebook, at least until she gets a new phone that's not attached to a crazy psycho guy who can track her phone calls.

I mean a break from my boy. I love him, I do. and I love that he's getting more into playing with someone rather than parallel play or alone. But sometimes I just need a break to do school work and housework.

I get one Sunday every other week at home alone, and I have to spend that time trying to catch up on schoolwork because the Monkey Child just won't let me study or write; by the time Bald Man comes home I am too tired to study, especially now that I have given up regular caffeine (I still get an occasional Starbucks once in a while). I've been tempted to try getting up early with the Baldman to work on stuff while Monkey Child sleeps some more, but it's so nice and warm and cozy in my bed on these cold days....and Saturdays are spent taking Baldman's cousins out and away from their grandma (the one who said Monkey child would be retarded because he had a flat face) for the day (thankfully for them they will be moving into their new home in about two weeks, but we're still going to get them out of the house...keeps them out of trouble)

I'm thinking of teaching Monkey child a new routine of "studying time", where he gets to sit at his table and color and practice his letters (he's got his letter J down!), while I at least get the reading done from my textbooks to keep up in that regard. He's good about not coloring on anything but paper now, because he knows that if he does he loses crayon privileges for 24 hours.

LOL, I should probably get back to my studying, but I had to vent a little. Just so tired.

New sister in law!

As of Sunday, I have a new sister in law!

No, Baldman's sister is not involved. Although it would be nice if she were replaced. But I digress..

One of my brothers, the 22 year old one, finally got divorced from his first wife while he was on R&R from his tour in Afghanistan. This is a good thing, because she's literally a crackwhore; she got pregnant by another man while he was deployed to Iraq a few years ago. She is pregnant again and cannot pass a drug test. Yes, he was able to win full custody of the son he had with her, and the boy now lives with my mom until Brother gets back from deployment.

He met a girl while deployed and going through the divorce process, and for awhile it was on and off with them, but now that they are free to be together, they got married over in Afghanistan (she is also in the Army, a medic to his mechanic). She seems like a real sweetheart; and I can't wait to meet her in person! She and Brother return stateside in the end of July, and they will be stationed in DC, which means....

Sorry LVA peoples, but I won't be heading to the reunion this summer. If it had been any other time and I knew the exact dates they would be stateside and in Vegas it might be possible, but since they won't know until only a couple weeks before they leave exact dates, I cannot come. Between that and the chance that I might be pregnant and unable to fly....it's just not feasable. Maybe for Christmas, though.
To be honest, though, I don't really want to go to the reunion anyway, when it seems the committees have no details to give us, or even a venue picked!