ABCs of Trying To Conceive

Saw this on another blog and thought it was an interesting way to get some perspective

 

 

 

A. Age when you started TTC: 19, then stopped for a bit, then 24/25. Had MonkeyChild, now I'm 27 and trying for our last child

B. Baby Dancing or Sex: Either one. Both lead to the same thing, hopefully. :-)

C. Children wanted: It used it be four. Then we raised my brothers, and then had Monkey Child. We decided one more would be enough. So I guess, in a way, we will have had four children.

D. Dogs/Cats/Fill in Children: Can't have pets, but for some reason I seem to be the go-to gal for info or as a sympathetic ear to my brother's friends.

E.  Essential Oils/Vitamins/Snake Oils: Prenatals, 4mg of folic acid (don't want a repeat of SB like with Monkey)

F. Fertility Meds I’ve taken:  None yet, but will soon, and I won't know which one.

 G. Gain: Too much! After done having kids and if I don't lose a bunch breast feeding, then I will consider gastric bypass.

 H. HSG (Hystosalpingogram):  nope, but I had a sonohystogram. that's the one with saline.

 I.  Infertile Pet Peeves: too many. people who say to just relax, the people who yell out "finally!" when a pregnancy is announced, etc

 J. Job title:Independent consultant for Pampered Chef; mama, wife, and writer.

 K. Kid’s names you’re afraid will be taken by the time you can use them: it's happened before, which is why we're not saying anything.

 L. Length of time TTC: this time around, since January.

M.  Miscarriages: One confirmed.

N. Number of times you’ve switched OB/GYNS, REs, FSs: Twice, unless you count switching doctors within a practice, then it's three. But the new one is for the study I am in.

 O. Ovarian quality: ha. seriously? I have PCOS. It's not like I can know when it'll happen....

P. POAS or wait for AF: Now I have to pee on a stick. Waiting for AF is not an option.

Q. Quote from an obnoxious fertile: "It's a good thing you are miscarrying because you are too young to be having children" from the OB who saw me during my miscarriage. I had been married over a year and was raising my brothers. It was while Baldman was in the air force and the doc was a captain about to pin on his oakleaf for major...let's just say he had to wait an extra year to pin it on :-P.

S. Sperm: all well and good, apparently. We found out as part of the study.

T. Time you tried naturally: too long. When you have PCOS or other fertility issues, you can't wait.

 U. Uterus quality: Was told bicornuate, but sonohystogram says it's only an arcuate uterus. Only slightly deformed :-)

 V. Vagina:That works just fine, as the Baldman showed me during monkey child's naptime ;-)

 W. What baby stuff do you already have?: I have maternity clothes still, but I gave away most of our old baby stuff when we were told we couldn't have more. Should have gotten that second opinion sooner! But it will be nice to go get new stuff.
 

X.  X-tra X-tra Hear all about it! How many people know the ins and outs of our crazy TTC journey? Some people. I don't keep it a secret. There's no shame in what's wrong. At least I took the initiative to find out what was wrong!

Y. Yearly Exam (do you still go in even though someone sees your lady parts most months?): Oh yes. I don't mess around with that.

Z.  Zits: It's worse now that we're TTCing. the BCP were helpful with that and the extra hair, but now that I'm not on it the zits are back and the hair is annoying.

PPCOS II study (Also known as Becoming a Lab Rat)

now that we know I don't have a bicornuate uterus like previously though, I've gone through the process of starting the PPCOS II study. It's out of UVM, a HUGE med school and university in the area.
To put it simply, it's a long process: I had to fill out a LOT of paperwork, and they stuck me a couple times this morning for bloodwork. Once all my labs (and Baldman's "contribution"), I'll be placed in a study group testing what is more effective in getting women with PCOS pregnant, with a secondary test to see if one drug is more effective in producing only singleton pregnancies than the standard Clomid which has a higher risk of multiples. It's at the most a six month study, which ends as soon as we get pregnant.

I like the doctor who is doing it. He REALLY LISTENS, and actually wants to help get the PCOS under control after we have this second (and LAST) child. He's doing another study he wants me to try out too, about emotional memory, which we'll see about. :-) Since I've actually administered some of the memory tests used in that one, I'm not sure I would be a good candidate to be a subject, but he knows that. He was surprised and impressed that I took the time to write out my gyn history for him after he called the day before yesterday and brought it in for him so that he would have it all documented and on hand when email his partners in the project. Baldman even got a kick out of him. :-)

I regret not being more pro-active than I already was before this. I should have taken the step to get this all under control sooner, but the OB/GYN practices on this side of the lake didn't seem to think it was necessary, and while i had my doubts I listened to them. Now when I drive by those offices, I show them the finger; I tell everyone I can to take their care over to Burlington. I thought medical people were supposed to want to get the best treatment for their patients, even if it means transferring their care to a larger hospital. How can people be so selfish or have such an ego that they put their pride in front of their patients needs?

Literally Gobsmacked

To go back in time I have to say that I was diagnosed with the bicornuate uterus in 2007 at my original OB/GYN office. It was confirmed only via ultrasound, no other tests were run. Let's just say that the diagnosis of that was a huge blow.

I transferred over to the medical center in VT with the medical school attached back in July to get the PCOS under control. They do a lot of studies and they really keep up on their research. I started with one doc, who referred me to another one in her practice who is running a study on PCOS, and at first I was disqualified because of the bicornuate uterus. However, he wanted an ultrasound anyway to get a follicle count. In the ultrasound the tech and the first year resident noticed that there was not a bicornuate uterus as I was told in 2007. They talked to the doctor, who came in and asked if they could do an HSG test while I was there (he knew I was coming from a couple hours away). I said sure, why not, and they did it.

It turns out that.....I DO NOT HAVE A BICORNUATE UTERUS!!! The twits at the old practices were WRONG. What there is, is a slight septum that is 1cm big dipping in. He said that he wouldn't even consider needing to operate on it; and that he wanted to talk to his co-horts in this study he is running, but since he is primary investigator in the study he wants to put me in it!!! All fertility treatments (drugs, exams, etc) until conception would be free.

Can you tell I am so freakin' excited???? I'm still recovering from the HSG test, which is very uncomfortable and makes you all crampy afterward, but this is huge news.

PCOS is hell

My hormones are all over the place. The doctor and I finally caught each other at the same time on the phone (we've been playing phone tag for over a week now), and while I can't be in the study for PCOS and conception because of the bicornuate (which sucks, but he's interested in), the tests show that the PCOS is rearing its ugly head. My testosterone levels and another hormone are VERY VERY high (explains the anger and rage issues lately! and the extra hair on my arms and face), and my FSH is LOW.
It means Clomid will be prescribed when I go in for my yearly exam next week. I'm sure he'll be wanting to get an ultrasound of the bicornuate, too. Not something you see every day.

So angry

Baldman is home from the hospital. For those who don't know, he checked himself into the psych ward of the VA hospital after losing his job (he was fired). He was depressed and angry and so down that he did the right thing, but I am still very ANGRY.

Why, one might ask? Because I was left to take care of everything else here, and could only do so much with him gone. SuperGrammy was a huge help, especially with Monkey Child, but I feel like he abandoned me. He says he's better, and he's happier, but I'm not.

He left me to try to explain to our two year old why daddy wasn't there to put him to bed. He left me to handle all the bills, springing one on me that I am SO ANGRY about that I can hardly speak (at a jewelry store). He left me to handle everything on my own; which, while I end up doing most everything anyway, was so angering and frustrating that I don't know if I can truly get over it. He left me to explain to his mother that he had been in the psych ward before, and left her to help me when she has so much on her plate already to help her mother (who is 87 and still living on her own).

It's like he was running away from his problems; I know in my head he was doing the right thing and getting the help he needed while in Albany, and maybe in time he'll learn how to better cope with his depression; that would certainly be a help to me, because when his gets worse I end up having to be the solid and steady one in the house, just like I always have been in my life.

Sometimes I am tired of being the sturdy one.

Latest on BIL saga

If you read my last blog, you know that my BIL said he wanted to shoot me in the head if he ever saw me again. Well, something that Baldman said may or may not have gotten through, because he called SuperGrammy and supposedly sounded contrite and repentant.

However, I don't necessarily believe him. The reason is simple. He told supergrammy that he would apologize to me and to Baldman if I apologized to the SIL (his and baldman's sister, who I have vented about before) for what went down in December. He said he had no way to contact us, but he has our phone numbers and our email addresses, so either he's lying to SuperGrammy or he's just wanting us to make the first move so he can feel like the bigger man.

I'm sorry, what are we, TWELVE? Come on. I have nothing to apologize for. And to be fair, neither does she; she has her opinion and I have mine. We are entitled to them and we don't have to like each other. I didn't say anything negative to her or to her family save for Baldman and on here where no names are used and she is unlikely to see it. I tolerated the name calling and the insults, I put up with the mistreatment and smacktalking for years. I don't want to deal with it anymore. I don't need the stress and I don't want to expose my son to that.

If he's truly contrite, then he knows my number. I don't blame him for stick up for his sister (I would do the same for my brothers, although with less violent terms and behaviours), but I do take issue with him doing it behind my back and to people who know me better than he does and actually care about me.

With this and the Baldman not telling his siblings how he feels about their treatment, I feel like I married into a family of twelve year old siblings. They don't know how to communicate and in the case of BaldMan don't bother to even try anymore.

How can anyone...

...say, even jokingly, that they would put a bullet in someone's head when talking shit about them?

My brother in law was up visiting his friend for an annual birthday drinking binge and went to visit our cousins while up here. I don't think he knew how much we see them, and was bitching about me and all the shit that happened between his sister and I, and said that if he ever saw me again he was going to put a bullet in my head for all the shit that went down. The cousins stood up for me, and told him off. That was the first time anyone stood up for me. My own husband wouldn't stand up for me on the shit that went down before to either one. This time he emailed him via facebook supposedly to tell him off, but it still feels like too little too late, know what I mean? Maybe I'm more emotional right now because of the Provera to stop the bleeding, which makes sense, but it hurts

I'm lucky that this jerk lives eight hours away and only comes up once a year. I'm sorry, after what happened with the congresswoman in Arizona (who he hated but I totally respected), how can ANYONE say something like this? Even jokingly?

I cannot believe this guy, his sister and my husband are related. I cannot believe that my husband's parents are the parents to these two; my in laws are wonderful and so nice and we get along well.