it's baby dance time

send some luck our way this month. We're hoping that third round is a charm!!

Writer's Block AGAIN

Son of a bitch.

I finally have a great idea, and get the idea down into the computer for my stories that I am writing, but once I get the idea on paper I got nowhere else. I just....damn it! I've been trying to get writing done and I just can't get anything out. Nothing about my story, anyway. All I've been able to do is tweak characteristics and character names, maybe a little about the place.

For those interested, it's about a FBI profiler who wins a huge Powerball jackpot and decides to leave the FBI and move home. Jaded by all the negativity she saw while working for the FBI, she decides to use the money to open a community center with the help of an old high school crush. the series starts with their story and how they get together, the next book involves one of her sisters, who has a horrible husband leave her with two small kids, and her rebuilding of her life with a possible new love interest. The third is their other sister, a widow from the war on terror who is becoming an architect and butts heads with the Village mayor about the revitalization of the village with all the small businesses opening up after the community center classes. Through all of them is their older brother, who looks out for them all and is caring but not so good at showing it. There will be more stories after it, probably, but the overall theme is how a town is learning to rebuild in an economy where the small town lifestyle is usually a dying breed. The first heroine is the one who gets the ball rolling by proposing a small business course at the community center, where people can learn to start something new and vital to a town and creating grants from her money to help some get started with strict guidelines on how to qualify.

Building Bridges

Sister in law took a step in building a bridge. After Grandma's party and the chewing out one of the adult cousins gave all the adults after I left, she bought me some flowers and put a card by my door. She was thanking me for all the work I did for Grandma's party, and that she was sorry for her part in our failed relationship, and that she hopes someday we can have some type of relationship and that she wishes me no ill will and wishes me well.

Since she took the step and that's a big thing for her, I wrote her back (had to mail it because she left for home this morning), and this is what I said:

Dear (sis in law's name),

Thank you.

I am sorry for the events that led to our fractured relationship. It was important for both of us to air our grievances in order for us to move forward and try to build any sort of relationship. You had concern about my relationship with your parents, and I was concerned about your treatment of your brother. We both had different perspectives and that’s okay. It is how the world works; just like it’s the nature of brothers to protect their sisters by saying they wanted to shoot their sister in law in the head (I get why (brother in law) felt that way and while the threat of death in front of (Cousin)’s girls was alarming, I get it. My brothers do the same thing with me and I expected nothing less from your brother in protecting you). For what it’s worth, I chewed out (Baldman) about his treatment of you as well, because he was acting like a brat toward you while we were there (if you’ve ever seen NCIS, think of Mark Harmon smacking his team upside the head for acting like idiots, only while driving home from our last visit).

And thank you for acknowledging the work on your grandma’s party. I really appreciate how much you and (her husband) helped as well. Your mom and grandma needed a day like that with all their family around. I’ve gotten used to not being included. It was made clear to me that I am not truly family and that I do not fit in, so I was expecting to be left out; if it hadn’t been for the fact that the party was for your grandma and to thank your mom for taking such good care of her, I would have cancelled my contributions to the party and found something else to do for them on my own time. As it was, I figured it would be easier if I stayed in the kitchen or taking care of the food and clean up so that those who are considered family could enjoy their time with grandma; that way, no drama would taint her party any more than it already had behind the scenes. I didn’t expect to be appreciated, except for by your mom and grandma who thanked me already; since the party was for them, that’s all that really mattered. It still hurts that the family up here couldn’t be bothered to return phone calls or even bother communicating about putting the party together, especially since it was based on their idea of a reunion that never got planned, but I’ve come to expect it. It sucks, but nothing can be done to change who they are, only the way I handle it.

I’m different; I get that, and I’ve gotten used to behavior like that which was exhibited at the party and at other family functions. I also live by the philosophy that everyone is different and unique, and therefore have something positive to contribute to the lives of everyone that they know. It’s why I still try to help people I consider family and care about them, even when fighting is involved. It’s why when I was planning out this party I logged in to (Baldman)’s profile and made sure you were one of the first people invited so that you could have fun with your family that you rarely get to see. It’s why I still care about you, (her husband) and the kids. It’s why when you said I was trying to take your position in your family I asked your mother how she saw our relationship, because all I saw it was as a good friendship based on mutual experiences, and then suggested to her that she try to reassure you that you were her daughter and nothing would get in the way of that; if only because if I was feeling that way about my brother (soldierboy)’s wife, I would want reassurance from my parents, too.

I am hoping that over time we can work out our issues and try to build some sort of relationship; if not a friendship, then at the very least a relationship cordial enough to handle being around each other when needed. From the way your grandma is deteriorating, I have the feeling that will be vital to help your mom get through things when she passes on, because she’ll need all of us to lean on.

Fractures can heal. It’s just something that takes time and care. In time, we’ll probably get there.

We'll see how that all goes.

You just can't choose family....

Here's the background:

Baldman's grandma is turning 87 this year, and her health is declining more rapidly. Since no one on his side put together the reunion they wanted to do, Supergrammy and I put our heads together and are planning a huge birthday party for her so people can see her and she can watch the kids play, etc. One of the things she doesn't like is alcohol. Since half of the people coming are under drinking age, and all but four people who are of age don't drink either, we put a general ban on all alcohol, to keep it away from the teens and the babies and to keep Grandma happy.

You would have thought World War III was starting. One of Baldman's cousin is trying to start a whole theological debate about it, saying that the bible that grandma believes in allows alcohol, and that Jesus Christ drank, so it should be allowed.

For those who know me, when people try to throw "facts" or opinions at me, what do I do? That's right, I research. I hit the scholarly websites and cited passages from the bible going against drinking, the science of alcohol in biblical times and brought up the reasons it was banned in general from the party. I seriously wanted to belt the woman. I almost went super mean and said "don't provoke the researcher; she'll blow your mind away"....but I behaved. I stuck with facts and left it alone. I almost cancelled the whole thing because I'm not putting up with bullshit, but because of who it is for and what it is for, I'm keeping it on. The family deserves a happy memory with grandma one last time before she passes on, and I think that day is going to be coming soon.

The Cousin's trying to start more shit. But you know what? Baldman and Supergrammy are paying for all the food and decorations, I'm doing all the cooking, and her own sister said no alcohol because it's at her home and she wants to respect grandma's wishes. If she wants to pull this shit, she can come by, say hello to those who she rarely sees, and leave. If it's so important for her and her psycho parents to drink at the party, they can just not bother to show up. If it were an adults only party and her family were responsible drinkers, alcohol would be fine. But her dad is a violent, angry drinker, and her husband/boyfriend/domestic partner is even worse and was already banned from the party. Why expose grandma and the kids (very impressionable kids, I might add) to that toxicity?

Grandma was one of the first people who welcomed me into this family with open arms, and accepted my brother like her own grandson. He's even coming to the party to see her and give her a hug because he respects her so much. This cousin just couldn't be bothered with talking to us more than once a year since we moved up here until her sister moved here and her sister and I became friends.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I'll be repeating that to myself a lot on Friday. Well, that, and "two to the chest, one to the head" when dealing with the psycho crazy zealots......