Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

Friday, April 15, 2011

So angry

Baldman is home from the hospital. For those who don't know, he checked himself into the psych ward of the VA hospital after losing his job (he was fired). He was depressed and angry and so down that he did the right thing, but I am still very ANGRY.

Why, one might ask? Because I was left to take care of everything else here, and could only do so much with him gone. SuperGrammy was a huge help, especially with Monkey Child, but I feel like he abandoned me. He says he's better, and he's happier, but I'm not.

He left me to try to explain to our two year old why daddy wasn't there to put him to bed. He left me to handle all the bills, springing one on me that I am SO ANGRY about that I can hardly speak (at a jewelry store). He left me to handle everything on my own; which, while I end up doing most everything anyway, was so angering and frustrating that I don't know if I can truly get over it. He left me to explain to his mother that he had been in the psych ward before, and left her to help me when she has so much on her plate already to help her mother (who is 87 and still living on her own).

It's like he was running away from his problems; I know in my head he was doing the right thing and getting the help he needed while in Albany, and maybe in time he'll learn how to better cope with his depression; that would certainly be a help to me, because when his gets worse I end up having to be the solid and steady one in the house, just like I always have been in my life.

Sometimes I am tired of being the sturdy one.

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