After reading Betsy Shaw's Blog on BabyCenter about the six stages of sex after kids, I've come to the realization that I NEED NOOKIE. I need it NOW.
I guess if you use the scale Betsy has up, we're in stage 3-4, the so tired stage where we just can't. It's not that I don't WANT to, but there are some days that Monkey Child is just bouncing off the walls with energy that once he's down for the count so am I. And then on the days I want to, Baldman is having a bad pain day or is just too tired from the changes going on at work (they're moving his offices) that he's no good to me.
This stage is no good for the baby making plans. I swear, sometimes I wonder if we should just schedule sex, like a date night (whatever that is...). But damn it, I miss sex. We used to be all over each other, and even right after Monkeychild was born we couldn't keep our hands to ourselves (let's just say we didn't wait the six weeks...) Then I went on the Pill and my drive disappeared. But now....now that I'm off the Pill my drive is back, so now we need to get the DH back up to par. I'm hoping this sleep study he's got to do tonight down in Albany will help him somehow. Maybe if he gets more restful sleep at night he could be more like how we were before kiddo came along!!
Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
Monday, January 10, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Am I crazy?
I wonder if I am crazy for trying again.
After all, we already know that no matter what a pregnancy will be high risk, because of the BU. There's also the higher risk of Spina Bifida or spinal related issued because of both Monkey Child's SB and because of my IBS. But because we know the risks, and are taking measures to prevent as many issues as possible (i.e., extra folic acid to prevent the SB, and extra appointments to monitor the pregnancy closely), maybe it's not so crazy. Plus, I even told my doc in Burlington that I would donate my uterus to the hospital as a teaching aid after I have my second child (BU is very rare; only between 0.1-0.5% of all women in the US have one. It's a birth defect). While I think she thought I was joking, I was perfectly serious when I mentioned it in my appointment on Monday. I only want two kids (at least biological ones, anyway), and if my abnormalities can be used to teach others, why not do that? It happened with my tonsils while in Vegas, so why not do it again here where it can be a gain for all involved (no more periods, woohoo!)???
And then I look at Monkey child, and I see how much he lights up when he sees other babies, and how he cares for his baby doll that Supergrammy got him for Christmas, and I think he really needs a sibling. And I really wish I had a little girl (though I'd be happy with a boy too) to have some balance in the house.
Seriously, am I crazy for potentially putting myself through a high risk pregnancy?
After all, we already know that no matter what a pregnancy will be high risk, because of the BU. There's also the higher risk of Spina Bifida or spinal related issued because of both Monkey Child's SB and because of my IBS. But because we know the risks, and are taking measures to prevent as many issues as possible (i.e., extra folic acid to prevent the SB, and extra appointments to monitor the pregnancy closely), maybe it's not so crazy. Plus, I even told my doc in Burlington that I would donate my uterus to the hospital as a teaching aid after I have my second child (BU is very rare; only between 0.1-0.5% of all women in the US have one. It's a birth defect). While I think she thought I was joking, I was perfectly serious when I mentioned it in my appointment on Monday. I only want two kids (at least biological ones, anyway), and if my abnormalities can be used to teach others, why not do that? It happened with my tonsils while in Vegas, so why not do it again here where it can be a gain for all involved (no more periods, woohoo!)???
And then I look at Monkey child, and I see how much he lights up when he sees other babies, and how he cares for his baby doll that Supergrammy got him for Christmas, and I think he really needs a sibling. And I really wish I had a little girl (though I'd be happy with a boy too) to have some balance in the house.
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| Want some of my juice? |
Seriously, am I crazy for potentially putting myself through a high risk pregnancy?
Monday, January 3, 2011
It's official: trying again
I've really been thinking about whether or not to risk another pregnancy, and since i had my follow up with my RE over in Burlington today I decided to talk it over with her. She said while I am considered high risk, as long as we work together to keep everything monitored and have more frequent check-ups, it is possible to have one more child. She put in a prescription for extra folic acid (because of Monkey Child's SB AND my IBS issues, I'm at higher risk for having another child with SB issues) as well as a prenatal vitamin, and gave us the all clear to start trying again. If nothing happens in three months, I go back and we review our options to see about conceiving. IVF won't be an option, because it's $6,800, but there are other options to check into.
Is it wrong of me to be slightly terrified??? LOL Probably not. Still, I worry. We really want a girl, but another boy is okay too, give Monkeychild someone to play with either way!
But I must say, it will be nice to say buh-bye to the birth control pills! They really throw me off mentally and physically.
Is it wrong of me to be slightly terrified??? LOL Probably not. Still, I worry. We really want a girl, but another boy is okay too, give Monkeychild someone to play with either way!
But I must say, it will be nice to say buh-bye to the birth control pills! They really throw me off mentally and physically.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Not into Christmas....but trying...
Most of you know I am not into Christmas; when I was sixteen my mom woke up Christmas morning and told my dad she wanted a divorce because she met a man on the internet....and because our walls were thin and the heating ducts carry sound well, I found out that day too. Yeah, great way to kill the Christmas spirit.
We're trying to get more into the spirit of it for the holidays for the little man, but I'm just not feeling it. I'd rather be out giving back than receiving, but that isn't happening this year. Maybe when he's older.
I swear the month of December is just BAD for us. A few years I had family members die (they all seem to want to pass on in December), one year was a disaster trip to my evil SIL's house. All but one of my miscarriages have happened in the month of December. two years ago Sean drove our old van off the highway and totaled it. This year, probably the scariest: was in a car accident yesterday where we hit a patch of ice and spun off the highway about 30 feet down a ravine. the baby was safe and secure in his car seat (the EMTs and everyone were surprised how well his carseat was installed...should I have told them they taught my DH and I well?), and SuperGrammy and I are just sore (her from tensing up trying to control the spin, me from being thrown against the passenger door while spinning), and her car only has a crack in the bumper, but I am seriously just done with the month of December. They told us we were lucky we didn't flip, but it sure felt like we did....
Is there any way to just get put into a temporary coma to get through the month of December? Staying busy sure doesn't seem to help.....
We're trying to get more into the spirit of it for the holidays for the little man, but I'm just not feeling it. I'd rather be out giving back than receiving, but that isn't happening this year. Maybe when he's older.
I swear the month of December is just BAD for us. A few years I had family members die (they all seem to want to pass on in December), one year was a disaster trip to my evil SIL's house. All but one of my miscarriages have happened in the month of December. two years ago Sean drove our old van off the highway and totaled it. This year, probably the scariest: was in a car accident yesterday where we hit a patch of ice and spun off the highway about 30 feet down a ravine. the baby was safe and secure in his car seat (the EMTs and everyone were surprised how well his carseat was installed...should I have told them they taught my DH and I well?), and SuperGrammy and I are just sore (her from tensing up trying to control the spin, me from being thrown against the passenger door while spinning), and her car only has a crack in the bumper, but I am seriously just done with the month of December. They told us we were lucky we didn't flip, but it sure felt like we did....
Is there any way to just get put into a temporary coma to get through the month of December? Staying busy sure doesn't seem to help.....
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Weighing the options
I've been feeling baby envy.
I know, I know, it's normal and healthy as your child gets older, but here's the thing: I really want a girl.
I know boys, I grew up with boys and raised boys. But there has always been this need or feeling to have a little girl. I want the chance to dress someone into cute little dresses (without my kid needing therapy for it!), and someone to, I don't know, balance the hormones in this house; right now it's dripping with testosterone.
I love my son, I really do, and I am grateful we had a boy first, but I still wish I had a little girl too.
So I think I've made my decision: if it's possible, we will try for one more child. It's not a guarantee that we'll have a girl, and we have an appointment with the specialists in the beginning of January to see if:
A: it's even an option, and
B: how long bedrest is likely to be...
And it turns out that the specialist I go see in Vermont is also doing a study on PCOS and how to get and stay pregnant. I don't know if I'll be allowed to get in on the study, because of the bicornuate thing, but if I can, it would be nice to get all of that care at a GOOD hospital for free!
I know, I know, it's normal and healthy as your child gets older, but here's the thing: I really want a girl.
I know boys, I grew up with boys and raised boys. But there has always been this need or feeling to have a little girl. I want the chance to dress someone into cute little dresses (without my kid needing therapy for it!), and someone to, I don't know, balance the hormones in this house; right now it's dripping with testosterone.
I love my son, I really do, and I am grateful we had a boy first, but I still wish I had a little girl too.
So I think I've made my decision: if it's possible, we will try for one more child. It's not a guarantee that we'll have a girl, and we have an appointment with the specialists in the beginning of January to see if:
A: it's even an option, and
B: how long bedrest is likely to be...
And it turns out that the specialist I go see in Vermont is also doing a study on PCOS and how to get and stay pregnant. I don't know if I'll be allowed to get in on the study, because of the bicornuate thing, but if I can, it would be nice to get all of that care at a GOOD hospital for free!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
What went down
Those of you who follow me on Facebook may have noticed that some stuff went down between my sister in law and myself. It's been a long build up and finally just had to spew for the sake of my sanity, but here goes:
She made a bad joke (supposedly a joke, according to her) about not understanding why I feel as old as I do. I did not see it as a joke, and I never do from people who know what we went through raising Booger Child and such (anyone who knows me at all knows NEVER to joke about that). She has said in the past that we have no idea what it is like to raise teenagers; has treated Baldman like her "dorky baby brother", even though they are all over the age of thirty and are supposedly adults, and tries to say that he's not disabled, and does everything to keep him (and me) in a less superior position than herself. She has claimed that I have less life experience than her, and so much other shyte that I blew up. She tried claiming I am trying to take over her position as the daughter from her parents (HAHAHA, not going to happen in a million years; she is always their priority, and I made sure to tell her that....)
After I moved everything to private message, because frankly it was pointless to keep the argument public, she accused me of trying to humiliate her on Facebook; we don't share any of the same friends except for family, and none of them gave a damn.
I tried to stay level headed; I did not use negative terms, I did not call her names (although I sorely wanted to); I simply pointed out that she and I had different views on life and how life experiences shape us and that we are unlikely to ever see eye to eye. I tried to reassure her that I would never try to take her position in her family, and that her parents love her and she is their priority (often above us, especially when her nanny got committed two days before Monkey Child's surgery and Supergrammy went to be with her even though she had already promised to be with me during the surgery). All of this was futile; she was even ruder and was acting more and more like a spoiled brat; she claimed I was the one with the issues and that I needed help; not realizing that I do get help for the issues I have, and will always be getting help because I know how important it is to keep working on those 12 steps for ACOA. I never said I didn't have issues, because I know I do. I'm working on my issues.
Since it is unlikely that she will ever see this, because she is rather self-involved and doesn't give a damn about anyone but herself unless they wound her pride and then she gets bitchy, I'm going to say all of the negative things on here that I didn't say before:
SIL, you are a spoiled, immature, ego-centric brat. You treat your brother like shit, and have no respect for anyone who is younger than you unless they kiss your ass. You do not see that just because a person is younger they can have life experience and that it is not about less or more life experience, it is about the lessons you take from those experiences. You are intolerant, ignorant, and unless you get your head out of your ass and realize that the world does not revolve around you, you will never be truly happy with yourself or with the others in your life. While your kids may be smart, they are being raised to be ignorant and intolerant of other races, religions, and orientations, which when they hit the real world will bite them in the ass unless they are kept sheltered the rest of their life.
You may be older than I am, but you do not act like an adult. You act like a teenager, which is probably why I talked to you like one (as you so accused me of). I never tried to analyze you like a psychologist would, because that's just not what you do with family; but if I were to do so from the way you wrote to me and from your behavior to me and to your family, I would say you have some serious issues that likely point to a personality disorder.
Grow up and get over yourself; You've ruined any chance of a friendship or relationship other than by law with me, and your brother will be letting you know how he feels about you after the holidays; no sense ruining your family's holidays by getting you into a bad mood. It's a shame you won't get to know your nephew, or any other child we might have if we decide to try again, but then again that's probably for the best. You don't want to know us anyway; if you did, I wouldn't have to always be the one to initiate contact. Don't worry, I will not make that mistake again. All contact or ties to you, your husband, or your children or BFF have been severed, and will stay that way. I kept your parents out of it, except to mention to your mom that she might want to reassure you that your "position in the family" is safe, because if I had those feelings, I would have wanted my parents to reassure me. I even mentioned to your mom that if it were possible to get down to you for Christmas, or for the kids with winter birthdays' celebrations, she should, just so you can feel secure. Unlike you, I care about how other people feel, and if someone feels that insecure, I would go out of my way to help them feel secure. I did it for my brother, and I did it for you because no matter how badly you treat me, you are my sister in law, and I do, or rather did, care about you and your family. Shame you're too much of a selfish bitch to see that.
*sigh* That feels much better. She may never see it, but it's nice to let it out so I can let go and move on.
She made a bad joke (supposedly a joke, according to her) about not understanding why I feel as old as I do. I did not see it as a joke, and I never do from people who know what we went through raising Booger Child and such (anyone who knows me at all knows NEVER to joke about that). She has said in the past that we have no idea what it is like to raise teenagers; has treated Baldman like her "dorky baby brother", even though they are all over the age of thirty and are supposedly adults, and tries to say that he's not disabled, and does everything to keep him (and me) in a less superior position than herself. She has claimed that I have less life experience than her, and so much other shyte that I blew up. She tried claiming I am trying to take over her position as the daughter from her parents (HAHAHA, not going to happen in a million years; she is always their priority, and I made sure to tell her that....)
After I moved everything to private message, because frankly it was pointless to keep the argument public, she accused me of trying to humiliate her on Facebook; we don't share any of the same friends except for family, and none of them gave a damn.
I tried to stay level headed; I did not use negative terms, I did not call her names (although I sorely wanted to); I simply pointed out that she and I had different views on life and how life experiences shape us and that we are unlikely to ever see eye to eye. I tried to reassure her that I would never try to take her position in her family, and that her parents love her and she is their priority (often above us, especially when her nanny got committed two days before Monkey Child's surgery and Supergrammy went to be with her even though she had already promised to be with me during the surgery). All of this was futile; she was even ruder and was acting more and more like a spoiled brat; she claimed I was the one with the issues and that I needed help; not realizing that I do get help for the issues I have, and will always be getting help because I know how important it is to keep working on those 12 steps for ACOA. I never said I didn't have issues, because I know I do. I'm working on my issues.
Since it is unlikely that she will ever see this, because she is rather self-involved and doesn't give a damn about anyone but herself unless they wound her pride and then she gets bitchy, I'm going to say all of the negative things on here that I didn't say before:
SIL, you are a spoiled, immature, ego-centric brat. You treat your brother like shit, and have no respect for anyone who is younger than you unless they kiss your ass. You do not see that just because a person is younger they can have life experience and that it is not about less or more life experience, it is about the lessons you take from those experiences. You are intolerant, ignorant, and unless you get your head out of your ass and realize that the world does not revolve around you, you will never be truly happy with yourself or with the others in your life. While your kids may be smart, they are being raised to be ignorant and intolerant of other races, religions, and orientations, which when they hit the real world will bite them in the ass unless they are kept sheltered the rest of their life.
You may be older than I am, but you do not act like an adult. You act like a teenager, which is probably why I talked to you like one (as you so accused me of). I never tried to analyze you like a psychologist would, because that's just not what you do with family; but if I were to do so from the way you wrote to me and from your behavior to me and to your family, I would say you have some serious issues that likely point to a personality disorder.
Grow up and get over yourself; You've ruined any chance of a friendship or relationship other than by law with me, and your brother will be letting you know how he feels about you after the holidays; no sense ruining your family's holidays by getting you into a bad mood. It's a shame you won't get to know your nephew, or any other child we might have if we decide to try again, but then again that's probably for the best. You don't want to know us anyway; if you did, I wouldn't have to always be the one to initiate contact. Don't worry, I will not make that mistake again. All contact or ties to you, your husband, or your children or BFF have been severed, and will stay that way. I kept your parents out of it, except to mention to your mom that she might want to reassure you that your "position in the family" is safe, because if I had those feelings, I would have wanted my parents to reassure me. I even mentioned to your mom that if it were possible to get down to you for Christmas, or for the kids with winter birthdays' celebrations, she should, just so you can feel secure. Unlike you, I care about how other people feel, and if someone feels that insecure, I would go out of my way to help them feel secure. I did it for my brother, and I did it for you because no matter how badly you treat me, you are my sister in law, and I do, or rather did, care about you and your family. Shame you're too much of a selfish bitch to see that.
*sigh* That feels much better. She may never see it, but it's nice to let it out so I can let go and move on.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Torn
So I've been away from blogging for a bit, thanks to Baldman's new job and the chaos that ensued to get it and to get into a routine. My mom also visited for ten days, supposedly to help but was actually more of a hindrance. Whatever, over and done with now.
With Baldman's new job we have good benefits and definitely better pay. While this is great and all, and he loves his job, it's leaving me torn.
I am still debating whether or not we should try to have one more child. We can afford it now, but because of the bicornuate thing it'll automatically be considered high risk, meaning bedrest, possible hospital time before birth, possible NICU time, etc. I don't know if I want to put my whole family through that. Supergrammy is being more of a help, which is nice, and we'd pay her to take care of Monkeychild if bedrest happens, but do I really want to risk it?
MonkeyChild loves other kids, and babies on TV, so I think if we do try it would be best to do so sooner. I do my schoolwork online, so that won't be affected unless I am hospitalized with no wifi access. Baldman would love one more kiddo, and I would too...but is it worth the risks involved?
LOL, see why I am torn???
With Baldman's new job we have good benefits and definitely better pay. While this is great and all, and he loves his job, it's leaving me torn.
I am still debating whether or not we should try to have one more child. We can afford it now, but because of the bicornuate thing it'll automatically be considered high risk, meaning bedrest, possible hospital time before birth, possible NICU time, etc. I don't know if I want to put my whole family through that. Supergrammy is being more of a help, which is nice, and we'd pay her to take care of Monkeychild if bedrest happens, but do I really want to risk it?
MonkeyChild loves other kids, and babies on TV, so I think if we do try it would be best to do so sooner. I do my schoolwork online, so that won't be affected unless I am hospitalized with no wifi access. Baldman would love one more kiddo, and I would too...but is it worth the risks involved?
LOL, see why I am torn???
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