writing breakthrough

so while I am still trying to get the novel(s) written, I have ideas as to maybe getting some looser ideas together into a book, sort of a collection of short stories. I'm just not sure if I should make it a mix of the mainstream ramblings of thought, or throw in the more....shall we say, graphic stories as well, or do a separate book of the graphic stuff. I guess for now, I'll just stick to writing what I can get on paper and go from there.

Study Follow up and Socks

So I went to my follow up appointment today with my RE in burlington, and he was awesome, as usual. We had figured out which drug I was on in the study because of the side effects, and he explained that the results that happened were common in the study (I won't tell numbers so that those who read this from the study don't lose hope.). He gave us options, and when we explained that we wanted to take a break for a while and work on treating the PCOS symptoms, he was happy too, saying that it gives him enough time to finish with the last set of participants and he'll have better results to give us the best chances of conceiving again if we so choose. So now I'm back on the BCP and the Metformin, which gives me some hope that I can lose some weight because just diet and exercise isn't cutting it. Dr. Casson is awesome. That's all I can say. First doctor I've had in a long time who listens, doesn't talk to me like I am a moron, and remembers who I am.

In knitting news, I finished my first pair of socks. I don't know if they count, since i did them on the Knifty Knitter blue loom because I had to take a break from the shawl, but they came out cool.

I knit them for Baldman's grandma, since I can't get the shawl done in time for Christmas. These will keep her feet warm in the home, I hope. I think I'll make another pair for my brother for his annual sock present, and if I have enough time a pair for his girlfriend. They only take about five hours to make, so I might be able to pull it off before Saturday.

at a crossroads

There comes a time in one's life where they have a decision to make. College or career, stay single or get married, kids or no kids. No matter what people do, they will always have choices to make.

Right now, I'm there. After five rounds of fertility drugs that made me a hormone casserole with no pregnancy as a result, a marriage that seems to be stagnating, and a toddler who is very needy and driving me bonkers, I have to decide what I want and need. I don't know anymore. I don't know if I want to put myself through the hormones again to have another child when my husband barely touches me, I don't know how much I want to go through the sleep deprivation that comes with another infant when I barely get four hours a night now because of terror toddler and his inability to sleep in his own bed (to the point that we're getting a new mattress and decided to get a king sized bed so that there is room for him when he crawls in). I don't even know if I want another child at all now; I don't enjoy being a parent all that much, and miss privacy and time to myself (such a rare commodity that I had to beg to put my son into daycare so that twice a week I could get time to actually get some sleep and maybe actually clean the house).

Maybe I just miss having some space. I don't get that. My husband, he gets space because twenty minutes after he gets home he retreats to our room to play on his damn xbox and I spend all my time playing with kiddo and trying to do everything around the house that he can't/won't do. I end up with severe hives trying to clean up the house after being exposed to mouse dander from the stupid mice that the traps didn't get and we had to put poison out to kill, and yet he says "oh, I'll do it" and then NEVER does it.

I'm just....I'm burned out. I seriously question why I am married anymore. Ever since he was in the hospital...I wonder what meds they put him on and if that's a factor in his drive. I'm not saying all I want is sex. I just, I want my husband, damn it. I want a partner. I don't have that anymore. We used to be a team, and now...now I feel like the lone adult in the house.

Before anyone says anything, leaving isn't an option. I made a promise, sickness and health, richer or poorer, etc; and mental illness is still illness.

work in progress

my work in progress knitting wise. I'm posting so that i can be held accountable for it! LOL need to keep on it and finish it! it sure is a distraction from the stress of the holidays and the lack of luck in the baby making department.

Do people choose to be ignorant?

Over the past week or so my husband has been fighting with his sister, who called him lazy for supporting the occupy wall street movement. today she posted something about seeing a picture of an occupier holding a starbucks cup and said that "guess everyone has a price". I swear, in our dealings with her, I seriously wonder if people choose to be closed minded or ignorant.

She and her husband are, well, I guess they fall under the tea party movement. They watch only Fox news for information, and she has a tendency to only look at one side of a story (her husband is a little more open to the fact that there are differences in opinion, but still a rather conservative man). I don't understand how anyone, especially anyone who has a college degree, can do that. How can anyone look at only one side, and not look at how something affects all people? How can they take the word of only one person, and not look at the thousands of stories from all sides before forming an opinion? How can a sister look at her brother, a man who served his country and is disabled because of his service, a man who has been working hard to provide for his family and can only find minimum wage work at varied hours and goes to school to get a degree that might improve his lot in life, and call him lazy?

I can see why she has the thought processes she has; she was raised with privilege and preferential treatment wherever she went. She was spoiled by her parents and given everything she wanted; a car, concerts in Montreal when her favorite bands played there, her own phone in her room, etc. That privilege has continued into her adult life, and she and her husband pull in a six figure income.  This is the same woman who, instead of coming to see her preemie nephew in the NICU or in the PICU post-surgery, thought it was more important to blow off work and drive to the funeral of an 80's star she adored as a kid, a funeral that she was not invited to and was nine hours and one country away. So clearly, her priorities are very skewed to a very selfish sense of self-importance.

But seriously, how can this person, who was raised by her parents to be very open-minded and knowledge-seeking, be so closed minded? I have been tempted to write to her and say why her brother has been so hurt by her callousness, but why bother when I know she will never take those words to heart?

Why I would Occupy....

It’s not about looking for a redistribution of wealth; it’s about looking for a livable wage.

It’s not about looking for a handout; it’s about looking for a change in job security.

It’s not about being lazy; it’s about wanting jobs to exist so that one is not seen as lazy.

It’s not about causing hate and discontent; it’s about seeking change and stability for all.

It’s not about being unpatriotic; it’s about showing the ultimate in patriotism.

It’s not about rioting; it’s about showing solidarity in a peaceful way.

It’s not about the youth of America not wanting to work; it’s about Americans from all walks of life taking a stand because jobs don’t exist for them to work. Veterans, older Americans, displaced workers of all ages, students, and teachers, everyone who is trying to look for work and just cannot find it because the jobs are not there.

You cannot evict an idea whose time has come.

You cannot live on minimum wage unless you work 40 hours a week and are single; even then, it’s difficult in most parts of the country.

You cannot repress those who are already feeling repressed; they are taking a stand against the oppression they already feel.

To answer non-violent protests with violence and abuse makes one look like a bully. Violence is never the answer.

There has to be a peaceful resolution to this. It is time for the corporations who have taken all those jobs overseas to be taxed to the point that it is more cost effective for them to bring that labor and industry home instead of being rewarded. It is time for there to be a living wage, not a minimum wage. It is time for quality healthcare for all instead of preferential treatment for the wealthy. It is time for the country to take care of its veterans instead of discharging them from the service without getting them the help they need unless the veteran finds a good advocate to help them through the red tape. It is about taking care of our elderly instead of cutting their Medicare and Social Security.

It is time for Americans to stand together and support their fellow man, woman and child, old and young, veterans and civilians alike.  It is time to look beyond ourselves and look at our brothers and sisters, friends and enemies, and see how this economic recession is affecting them. Instead of whining about having to pay more at Starbucks for your cup of coffee, remember that what you are paying for is helping the person serving you across the counter survive and pay for food/rent/school/etc. Instead of whining about your insurance premiums, remember that you are lucky enough to have insurance at all and that many who need medical help cannot get it without going bankrupt.

going to try to relax.....

I've started up on my knitting again, which is helping me get through some of the stress and tension. I finished a scarf for the boychild and now I'm knitting a scarf for me. I used to rely on the looms that Provo Craft sells, but I really wanted to get some good physical therapy for my hands so I actually used needles. This is a method Baldman can use to test my mood; when my knitting is tight, it means I'm stressed; looser it is, the better mood I am in.

And I installed my old Sims 2 games onto this computer. I've tried Sims 3 in the past and didn't like it, but really needed something to get my creativity on that doesn't take up a lot of space in the house. I want to design our dream house. I wish someday the guys from Extreme home makeover could do the same for my house. I miss my crafting space and my ability to express myself with art and color. I am hoping knitting helps me get that release, too....

Maybe if I relax enough, we can get pregnant without the drugs.

Five rounds later....

...and no pregnancy.

Seems that five rounds of fertility treatments didn't do it. I ovulated each time, it's just a matter of the timing not working, I guess.
I am upset, a little, but mainly at Baldman for not holding up his end of the bargain. He was supposed to stick to the schedule, and he just wouldn't commit. It's become a bone of contention with us, and my anger and resentment are still there, no matter how hard I try to let it go.
So I put my body through hell for nothing. The side effects were hell, especially the mood swings and the cramping midcycle, but I would have been happy about it had they produced a child in the end.....
I guess it's going to be just the one for us. I am depressed a little by that, especially when I see 19-24 year old people getting pregnant without trying to and having babies all around us when we want a baby but can't seem to.
I guess I'll need to find another outlet for my energy. Monkeychild takes a lot, for sure, but I have so much love to give and nowhere else to spread it.
I'll be honest, the need to show love and give love to something that I hope loves me back unconditionally is deeper than I thought going into all this. I just don't feel wanted or loved by my own family; I am the one they turn to for fixing things, or mediating things, or to give them a shoulder to cry on, but when I need the same thing, where is my shoulder? Where is my personal fixer? Nope, nowhere to be found.
My parents are often so self-involved that unless it's something involving them they really don't care. My mom, well, we know why that is, and now that boundaries have been established and she's starting to respect them it's easier. My dad, he talks a big game, but for someone who wants to supposedly make amends like AA tells him to he's not putting forth the effort to meet his grandson or come for a visit to at least see two of his children face to face. My brother Soldier Boy barely acknowledges my existence, if only because his wife is trying to build a friendship with me; he has friends who he considers more like his brother and sisters than his own flesh and blood. Ironically, he is also the sibling of the three of us who is most like our parents and is their prodigal son. As soon as he got stateside, all phone calls and emails from them to me ceased. I get that he was coming back form a war zone and they wanted to spend time with him because they hadn't seen him in eight months, but considering my dad hasn't seen me in six and a half years it kind of hurts to be cut off from everything, especially considering how much I had to hear both sides complain about each other.

I just want love and attention for a change. I want to know that I am wanted, respected, and cared about. My son gives me that love, although he's sometimes too clingy when he's sick (understandable), and I wanted to have another child who loves me as much as I would love them, as much as I love my son and he loves me.

I am a mom.

I am a mom.

I am a mom who believes in letting her child explore his world and question everything, no matter what the question is.

I am a mom who works hard to learn all sides to an argument, and form an educated opinion on an issue, whether it is a political, theological, or parenting issue.

I am a mom who accepts others as they are, and hopes that others can accept me as I am.

I am a mom who relies on what she can see, what she can hear, and what can be proven by scientific fact. I am a mom who understands that science is fluid and ever changing, and keeps her mind open to that process.

I am a mom, who questions authority, and sometimes wonders why others blindly accept what cannot be proved but I accept that others have different beliefs.

I am a mom who believes things happen for a reason, and it is not necessarily from a higher power or being. Things can usually be explained by science or reason or logic.

I am a mom who doesn’t ask people to change their belief systems; I am a mom that hopes that people who believe in the Golden rule of loving thy neighbor and treating others the way that they want to be treated can put it into practice and accept that everyone is different and be tolerant, if not accepting.

I am a mom who decided to become educated in theology and learn about all faiths before making the decision to become a humanist. This does not mean I do not think all religious people are uneducated; on the contrary, some of the most educated people I know are religious. They also happen to be the most tolerant people of all. While they wish I shared in their beliefs, they also know not to push the issue.

I am a mom.

On to Round Four

No luck AGAIN.

I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. The side effects from whatever drug they put me on are awful, and while they are making me ovulate, nothing is taking. I get the bad headaches that blur my vision, then the horrid joint pain and cramping when I do ovulate, which makes me less likely to want to work on this lovely project, and it's not like I can rely on the Baldman to help out around the house or with little man, so I end up working through the pain.
However, I did get the Baldman to agree to put MonkeyChild into daycare two days a week, for my sanity and to help kiddo get used to playing with other kids his own age. First day went awesome, so here's hoping that the time to get some rest will be beneficial. Between monkeychild crawling in with us at night and the baldman's snoring/cpap machine, I get about 2 hours a night of sleep. In the past 72 hours, I've had about 7 hours of sleep. Needless to say, tomorrow when the boys leave for school/daycare, I will be crashing and crashing HARD.

He's getting to be a big boy!!

Monkeychild did something good!!! We've been trying to work on potty training but he's always telling us after he's wet, not before. Well, this time he told us he needed to poop and we ran back when we realized he hadn't done his business yet, sat him on the toilet, and he did it!

it's baby dance time

send some luck our way this month. We're hoping that third round is a charm!!

Writer's Block AGAIN

Son of a bitch.

I finally have a great idea, and get the idea down into the computer for my stories that I am writing, but once I get the idea on paper I got nowhere else. I just....damn it! I've been trying to get writing done and I just can't get anything out. Nothing about my story, anyway. All I've been able to do is tweak characteristics and character names, maybe a little about the place.

For those interested, it's about a FBI profiler who wins a huge Powerball jackpot and decides to leave the FBI and move home. Jaded by all the negativity she saw while working for the FBI, she decides to use the money to open a community center with the help of an old high school crush. the series starts with their story and how they get together, the next book involves one of her sisters, who has a horrible husband leave her with two small kids, and her rebuilding of her life with a possible new love interest. The third is their other sister, a widow from the war on terror who is becoming an architect and butts heads with the Village mayor about the revitalization of the village with all the small businesses opening up after the community center classes. Through all of them is their older brother, who looks out for them all and is caring but not so good at showing it. There will be more stories after it, probably, but the overall theme is how a town is learning to rebuild in an economy where the small town lifestyle is usually a dying breed. The first heroine is the one who gets the ball rolling by proposing a small business course at the community center, where people can learn to start something new and vital to a town and creating grants from her money to help some get started with strict guidelines on how to qualify.

Building Bridges

Sister in law took a step in building a bridge. After Grandma's party and the chewing out one of the adult cousins gave all the adults after I left, she bought me some flowers and put a card by my door. She was thanking me for all the work I did for Grandma's party, and that she was sorry for her part in our failed relationship, and that she hopes someday we can have some type of relationship and that she wishes me no ill will and wishes me well.

Since she took the step and that's a big thing for her, I wrote her back (had to mail it because she left for home this morning), and this is what I said:

Dear (sis in law's name),

Thank you.

I am sorry for the events that led to our fractured relationship. It was important for both of us to air our grievances in order for us to move forward and try to build any sort of relationship. You had concern about my relationship with your parents, and I was concerned about your treatment of your brother. We both had different perspectives and that’s okay. It is how the world works; just like it’s the nature of brothers to protect their sisters by saying they wanted to shoot their sister in law in the head (I get why (brother in law) felt that way and while the threat of death in front of (Cousin)’s girls was alarming, I get it. My brothers do the same thing with me and I expected nothing less from your brother in protecting you). For what it’s worth, I chewed out (Baldman) about his treatment of you as well, because he was acting like a brat toward you while we were there (if you’ve ever seen NCIS, think of Mark Harmon smacking his team upside the head for acting like idiots, only while driving home from our last visit).

And thank you for acknowledging the work on your grandma’s party. I really appreciate how much you and (her husband) helped as well. Your mom and grandma needed a day like that with all their family around. I’ve gotten used to not being included. It was made clear to me that I am not truly family and that I do not fit in, so I was expecting to be left out; if it hadn’t been for the fact that the party was for your grandma and to thank your mom for taking such good care of her, I would have cancelled my contributions to the party and found something else to do for them on my own time. As it was, I figured it would be easier if I stayed in the kitchen or taking care of the food and clean up so that those who are considered family could enjoy their time with grandma; that way, no drama would taint her party any more than it already had behind the scenes. I didn’t expect to be appreciated, except for by your mom and grandma who thanked me already; since the party was for them, that’s all that really mattered. It still hurts that the family up here couldn’t be bothered to return phone calls or even bother communicating about putting the party together, especially since it was based on their idea of a reunion that never got planned, but I’ve come to expect it. It sucks, but nothing can be done to change who they are, only the way I handle it.

I’m different; I get that, and I’ve gotten used to behavior like that which was exhibited at the party and at other family functions. I also live by the philosophy that everyone is different and unique, and therefore have something positive to contribute to the lives of everyone that they know. It’s why I still try to help people I consider family and care about them, even when fighting is involved. It’s why when I was planning out this party I logged in to (Baldman)’s profile and made sure you were one of the first people invited so that you could have fun with your family that you rarely get to see. It’s why I still care about you, (her husband) and the kids. It’s why when you said I was trying to take your position in your family I asked your mother how she saw our relationship, because all I saw it was as a good friendship based on mutual experiences, and then suggested to her that she try to reassure you that you were her daughter and nothing would get in the way of that; if only because if I was feeling that way about my brother (soldierboy)’s wife, I would want reassurance from my parents, too.

I am hoping that over time we can work out our issues and try to build some sort of relationship; if not a friendship, then at the very least a relationship cordial enough to handle being around each other when needed. From the way your grandma is deteriorating, I have the feeling that will be vital to help your mom get through things when she passes on, because she’ll need all of us to lean on.

Fractures can heal. It’s just something that takes time and care. In time, we’ll probably get there.

We'll see how that all goes.

You just can't choose family....

Here's the background:

Baldman's grandma is turning 87 this year, and her health is declining more rapidly. Since no one on his side put together the reunion they wanted to do, Supergrammy and I put our heads together and are planning a huge birthday party for her so people can see her and she can watch the kids play, etc. One of the things she doesn't like is alcohol. Since half of the people coming are under drinking age, and all but four people who are of age don't drink either, we put a general ban on all alcohol, to keep it away from the teens and the babies and to keep Grandma happy.

You would have thought World War III was starting. One of Baldman's cousin is trying to start a whole theological debate about it, saying that the bible that grandma believes in allows alcohol, and that Jesus Christ drank, so it should be allowed.

For those who know me, when people try to throw "facts" or opinions at me, what do I do? That's right, I research. I hit the scholarly websites and cited passages from the bible going against drinking, the science of alcohol in biblical times and brought up the reasons it was banned in general from the party. I seriously wanted to belt the woman. I almost went super mean and said "don't provoke the researcher; she'll blow your mind away"....but I behaved. I stuck with facts and left it alone. I almost cancelled the whole thing because I'm not putting up with bullshit, but because of who it is for and what it is for, I'm keeping it on. The family deserves a happy memory with grandma one last time before she passes on, and I think that day is going to be coming soon.

The Cousin's trying to start more shit. But you know what? Baldman and Supergrammy are paying for all the food and decorations, I'm doing all the cooking, and her own sister said no alcohol because it's at her home and she wants to respect grandma's wishes. If she wants to pull this shit, she can come by, say hello to those who she rarely sees, and leave. If it's so important for her and her psycho parents to drink at the party, they can just not bother to show up. If it were an adults only party and her family were responsible drinkers, alcohol would be fine. But her dad is a violent, angry drinker, and her husband/boyfriend/domestic partner is even worse and was already banned from the party. Why expose grandma and the kids (very impressionable kids, I might add) to that toxicity?

Grandma was one of the first people who welcomed me into this family with open arms, and accepted my brother like her own grandson. He's even coming to the party to see her and give her a hug because he respects her so much. This cousin just couldn't be bothered with talking to us more than once a year since we moved up here until her sister moved here and her sister and I became friends.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I'll be repeating that to myself a lot on Friday. Well, that, and "two to the chest, one to the head" when dealing with the psycho crazy zealots......

Fertility treatments suck

I don't know which drug we're assigned, but I sure hope it works this time. Last month was not lucky (I still blame the Baldman and his need to help the cousins with the airport for missing the window, not to mention his inability to stick to the schedule).

Whatever drug this is, it's making me moody and cranky and sick and I hate how I feel. I hate being emotional all the damn time (worse than in high school, which should tell you all something if you remember me from then). I hate being sick to my stomach and still having to do everything in the house plus take care of MonkeyChild, even though Baldman is home. I seriously question why we are doing this study at times, even though I want one more child, because why would I want to increase my workload more with no help or support?

I know it's the emotions talking, but damn it, I want this hellish nightmare to be over. So if people could send some babydust positive vibes my way and maybe this time it will work it would be greatly appreciated.

no luck this month....:-(

No luck this month. Not surprising considering Baldman's need to help our cousin's with their trek to the airport that went horribly wrong twice at the most important time for trying.

Needless to say, he'll pay.

Study day 24

Today was my followup in the study to go in for a follicle count, bloodwork and to trade in packets.

The good news? The first round did cause ovulation, so my med amount doesn't need adjusting, which is nice.

The eh news? Don't know yet if I am pregnant or not. it's too soon for anything to show up on bloodwork or on ultrasound. I have to wait a week to test or for my period to show up.

The bad news? The research assistant doing my blood draw today blew my last good vein in my left arm. My right arm has been no good for years, thanks to the air force vampires who couldn't do a good stick if their promotions depended on it. This means from now on the draws have to be in my hands, which this assistant tried to do but just hates and only got one vial of three needed, but it was enough for them to do the tests needed. I now have very bruised hand and inner crook of my elbow.

Now it's time for the waiting game....so please, send positive thoughts and baby dust my way!!!

Are you f***ing kidding me?

So I'm not going to my reunion next month, for many reasons.

The biggest one is cost, but not just the cost of flying out there and for hotel. First, they wanted to charge 80 for a whole weekend per person, then when enough people complained there was a sunday only option for people with families for a reduced price. Since I'm not made of money and definitely not local, I'm passing. I'm not in the mood to pay for someone's bar tab when I don't drink and to be around people who, from the looks of the reunion board, about 75 percent of the group has not left the high school or party scene.

After someone I knew well posted that he had to skip it due to costs as well, I made the simple suggestion to anyone on the East Coast (NYC and Boston areas) who had to miss it due to costs that maybe an option would be to maybe plan a mini-reunion for those on this side who want to meet up, perhaps linking it to the one out there with skype or something, or for after so that people who want to go to both can do so. I offered to open my home. My university does these types of events around the country for alumni, so why not this?

Well, you would have thought that I suggested that the world was coming to an end. Everyone who's on the planning committee is like, oh, what about couch surfing or here's what I found for airfare. Do they not understand that people have budgets, and families to support? I mean, I understand that yes, they are all single, and that yes, they want to make the reunion a large social event. But damn it all, some of us just can't swing thousands of dollars to fly out to an event that seems to be executed by the seat of their pants.

Maybe I'll see if there is an interest in a mini reunion, but with how the organizers are acting, I don't know if I should. God knows I wasn't in the popular group in high school, partying and getting schmucked and futhered every weekend.

Maybe by the 20th one the events will be more family and friendly, but I don't see that happening.

It's officially starting...

the first round of the study begins! Went to Burlington yesterday, where I got a whole lot of blood drawn and an ultrasound to do a follicle count (and there were a lot!), and I start the first round of drugs tomorrow!

As I get closer and closer to beginning this, I'm starting to freak out. I want one more child, I do; but it's just the idea of having to go the fertility drug route to do it that makes me sad. I'm already moody as it is off of the pill, so depending on which drug the study has me in (it's a double blind study; neither the provider or I know, all we know is that it is one drug or the other, no placebos) I may get super bitchy.

Like how I was back in high school bitchy.

Not a good thing. But I guess it's a good thing I'm not going to the reunion next month; would make people think I haven't changed. LOL

Monkeychild and reading

I love my son, I love him dearly. And I love how smart he seems to be. But sometimes it can be a little problem.

We were shopping yesterday, and I had him in the cart walking around our home away from home, Target. Well, lately, he's been learning how to read letters, and he's started to put words together.

Note to self: Do not take him into the bra and underwear aisles.

ABCs of Trying To Conceive

Saw this on another blog and thought it was an interesting way to get some perspective

 

 

 

A. Age when you started TTC: 19, then stopped for a bit, then 24/25. Had MonkeyChild, now I'm 27 and trying for our last child

B. Baby Dancing or Sex: Either one. Both lead to the same thing, hopefully. :-)

C. Children wanted: It used it be four. Then we raised my brothers, and then had Monkey Child. We decided one more would be enough. So I guess, in a way, we will have had four children.

D. Dogs/Cats/Fill in Children: Can't have pets, but for some reason I seem to be the go-to gal for info or as a sympathetic ear to my brother's friends.

E.  Essential Oils/Vitamins/Snake Oils: Prenatals, 4mg of folic acid (don't want a repeat of SB like with Monkey)

F. Fertility Meds I’ve taken:  None yet, but will soon, and I won't know which one.

 G. Gain: Too much! After done having kids and if I don't lose a bunch breast feeding, then I will consider gastric bypass.

 H. HSG (Hystosalpingogram):  nope, but I had a sonohystogram. that's the one with saline.

 I.  Infertile Pet Peeves: too many. people who say to just relax, the people who yell out "finally!" when a pregnancy is announced, etc

 J. Job title:Independent consultant for Pampered Chef; mama, wife, and writer.

 K. Kid’s names you’re afraid will be taken by the time you can use them: it's happened before, which is why we're not saying anything.

 L. Length of time TTC: this time around, since January.

M.  Miscarriages: One confirmed.

N. Number of times you’ve switched OB/GYNS, REs, FSs: Twice, unless you count switching doctors within a practice, then it's three. But the new one is for the study I am in.

 O. Ovarian quality: ha. seriously? I have PCOS. It's not like I can know when it'll happen....

P. POAS or wait for AF: Now I have to pee on a stick. Waiting for AF is not an option.

Q. Quote from an obnoxious fertile: "It's a good thing you are miscarrying because you are too young to be having children" from the OB who saw me during my miscarriage. I had been married over a year and was raising my brothers. It was while Baldman was in the air force and the doc was a captain about to pin on his oakleaf for major...let's just say he had to wait an extra year to pin it on :-P.

S. Sperm: all well and good, apparently. We found out as part of the study.

T. Time you tried naturally: too long. When you have PCOS or other fertility issues, you can't wait.

 U. Uterus quality: Was told bicornuate, but sonohystogram says it's only an arcuate uterus. Only slightly deformed :-)

 V. Vagina:That works just fine, as the Baldman showed me during monkey child's naptime ;-)

 W. What baby stuff do you already have?: I have maternity clothes still, but I gave away most of our old baby stuff when we were told we couldn't have more. Should have gotten that second opinion sooner! But it will be nice to go get new stuff.
 

X.  X-tra X-tra Hear all about it! How many people know the ins and outs of our crazy TTC journey? Some people. I don't keep it a secret. There's no shame in what's wrong. At least I took the initiative to find out what was wrong!

Y. Yearly Exam (do you still go in even though someone sees your lady parts most months?): Oh yes. I don't mess around with that.

Z.  Zits: It's worse now that we're TTCing. the BCP were helpful with that and the extra hair, but now that I'm not on it the zits are back and the hair is annoying.