Not into Christmas....but trying...

Most of you know I am not into Christmas; when I was sixteen my mom woke up Christmas morning and told my dad she wanted a divorce because she met a man on the internet....and because our walls were thin and the heating ducts carry sound well, I found out that day too. Yeah, great way to kill the Christmas spirit.

We're trying to get more into the spirit of it for the holidays for the little man, but I'm just not feeling it. I'd rather be out giving back than receiving, but that isn't happening this year. Maybe when he's older.

I swear the month of December is just BAD for us. A few years I had family members die (they all seem to want to pass on in December), one year was a disaster trip to my evil SIL's house. All but one of my miscarriages have happened in the month of December. two years ago Sean drove our old van off the highway and totaled it. This year, probably the scariest: was in a car accident yesterday where we hit a patch of ice and spun off the highway about 30 feet down a ravine. the baby was safe and secure in his car seat (the EMTs and everyone were surprised how well his carseat was installed...should I have told them they taught my DH and I well?), and SuperGrammy and I are just sore (her from tensing up trying to control the spin, me from being thrown against the passenger door while spinning), and her car only has a crack in the bumper, but I am seriously just done with the month of December. They told us we were lucky we didn't flip, but it sure felt like we did....

Is there any way to just get put into a temporary coma to get through the month of December? Staying busy sure doesn't seem to help.....

Weighing the options

I've been feeling baby envy.

I know, I know, it's normal and healthy as your child gets older, but here's the thing: I really want a girl.

I know boys, I grew up with boys and raised boys. But there has always been this need or feeling to have a little girl. I want the chance to dress someone into cute little dresses (without my kid needing therapy for it!), and someone to, I don't know, balance the hormones in this house; right now it's dripping with testosterone.

I love my son, I really do, and I am grateful we had a boy first, but I still wish I had a little girl too.

So I think I've made my decision: if it's possible, we will try for one more child. It's not a guarantee that we'll have a girl, and we have an appointment with the specialists in the beginning of January to see if:
A: it's even an option, and
B: how long bedrest is likely to be...

And it turns out that the specialist I go see in Vermont is also doing a study on PCOS and how to get and stay pregnant. I don't know if I'll be allowed to get in on the study, because of the bicornuate thing, but if I can, it would be nice to get all of that care at a GOOD hospital for free!

What went down

Those of you who follow me on Facebook may have noticed that some stuff went down between my sister in law and myself. It's been a long build up and finally just had to spew for the sake of my sanity, but here goes:

She made a bad joke (supposedly a joke, according to her) about not understanding why I feel as old as I do. I did not see it as a joke, and I never do from people who know what we went through raising Booger Child and such (anyone who knows me at all knows NEVER to joke about that). She has said in the past that we have no idea what it is like to raise teenagers; has treated Baldman like her "dorky baby brother", even though they are all over the age of thirty and are supposedly adults, and tries to say that he's not disabled, and does everything to keep him (and me) in a less superior position than herself. She has claimed that I have less life experience than her, and so much other shyte that I blew up. She tried claiming I am trying to take over her position as the daughter from her parents (HAHAHA, not going to happen in a million years; she is always their priority, and I made sure to tell her that....)

After I moved everything to private message, because frankly it was pointless to keep the argument public, she accused me of trying to humiliate her on Facebook; we don't share any of the same friends except for family, and none of them gave a damn.

I tried to stay level headed; I did not use negative terms, I did not call her names (although I sorely wanted to); I simply pointed out that she and I had different views on life and how life experiences shape us and that we are unlikely to ever see eye to eye. I tried to reassure her that I would never try to take her position in her family, and that her parents love her and she is their priority (often above us, especially when her nanny got committed two days before Monkey Child's surgery and Supergrammy went to be with her even though she had already promised to be with me during the surgery). All of this was futile; she was even ruder and was acting more and more like a spoiled brat; she claimed I was the one with the issues and that I needed help; not realizing that I do get help for the issues I have, and will always be getting help because I know how important it is to keep working on those 12 steps for ACOA. I never said I didn't have issues, because I know I do. I'm working on my issues.

Since it is unlikely that she will ever see this, because she is rather self-involved and doesn't give a damn about anyone but herself unless they wound her pride and then she gets bitchy, I'm going to say all of the negative things on here that I didn't say before:

SIL, you are a spoiled, immature, ego-centric brat. You treat your brother like shit, and have no respect for anyone who is younger than you unless they kiss your ass. You do not see that just because a person is younger they can have life experience and that it is not about less or more life experience, it is about the lessons you take from those experiences. You are intolerant, ignorant, and unless you get your head out of your ass and realize that the world does not revolve around you, you will never be truly happy with yourself or with the others in your life. While your kids may be smart, they are being raised to be ignorant and intolerant of other races, religions, and orientations, which when they hit the real world will bite them in the ass unless they are kept sheltered the rest of their life.
You may be older than I am, but you do not act like an adult. You act like a teenager, which is probably why I talked to you like one (as you so accused me of). I never tried to analyze you like a psychologist would, because that's just not what you do with family; but if I were to do so from the way you wrote to me and from your behavior to me and to your family, I would say you have some serious issues that likely point to a personality disorder.
Grow up and get over yourself; You've ruined any chance of a friendship or relationship other than by law with me, and your brother will be letting you know how he feels about you after the holidays; no sense ruining your family's holidays by getting you into a bad mood.  It's a shame you won't get to know your nephew, or any other child we might have if we decide to try again, but then again that's probably for the best. You don't want to know us anyway; if you did, I wouldn't have to always be the one to initiate contact. Don't worry, I will not make that mistake again. All contact or ties to you, your husband, or your children or BFF have been severed, and will stay that way. I kept your parents out of it, except to mention to your mom that she might want to reassure you that your "position in the family" is safe, because if I had those feelings, I would have wanted my parents to reassure me. I even mentioned to your mom that if it were possible to get down to you for Christmas, or for the kids with winter birthdays' celebrations, she should, just so you can feel secure. Unlike you, I care about how other people feel, and if someone feels that insecure, I would go out of my way to help them feel secure. I did it for my brother, and I did it for you because no matter how badly you treat me, you are my sister in law, and I do, or rather did, care about you and your family. Shame you're too much of a selfish bitch to see that.


*sigh* That feels much better. She may never see it, but it's nice to let it out so I can let go and move on.

Torn

So I've been away from blogging for a bit, thanks to Baldman's new job and the chaos that ensued to get it and to get into a routine. My mom also visited for ten days, supposedly to help but was actually more of a hindrance. Whatever, over and done with now.

With Baldman's new job we have good benefits and definitely better pay. While this is great and all, and he loves his job, it's leaving me torn.

I am still debating whether or not we should try to have one more child. We can afford it now, but because of the bicornuate thing it'll automatically be considered high risk, meaning bedrest, possible hospital time before birth, possible NICU time, etc. I don't know if I want to put my whole family through that. Supergrammy is being more of a help, which is nice, and we'd pay her to take care of Monkeychild if bedrest happens, but do I really want to risk it?

MonkeyChild loves other kids, and babies on TV, so I think if we do try it would be best to do so sooner. I do my schoolwork online, so that won't be affected unless I am hospitalized with no wifi access. Baldman would love one more kiddo, and I would too...but is it worth the risks involved?

LOL, see why I am torn??? 

Whatever happened to common courtesy?

Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but when you plan on visiting someone you rarely see, you call them ahead of time to set up a time, right?

Apparently my SIL and her family do not understand this courtesy. They have family church camp up here this weekend (which we didn't know about, since we don't do the church thing and the camp is two towns over and away from the roads we drive on a regular basis), and they wanted to see us, but of course the days we have off they have to visit other people. Had we known when they were going to come up, we could have re-arranged our appointments so we could visit (a VA TB test for Sean and some fillings for me), but no, we didn't find out until Friday night that they were coming up Saturday.

Urgh!!!!! She already drives me up the wall with her behavior and manners; this is the same SIL who left work and drove nine hours to the funeral of Corey Haim, the actor. A person she didn't even know, just admired. Yeah, but she couldn't come up and visit her nephew when he was in the NICU or when he had surgery, AND just HAD to have her mother come down at his surgery time when I could have really used her support (especially after Supergrammy PROMISED to be there), because her nanny was having some issues. This girl....*sigh*

As you can tell, we don't get along. We are very different in personality and beliefs, and while I respect that she has a different viewpoint, she cannot do the same. I get along with her husband okay, because he at least doesn't push his own agenda; but ugh.....I was excited when I married Bald Man that I would finally have a sister, but sadly it isn't fun or neat.

Feeling human again

I am not cut out to be a stay at home mama.

I have the utmost respect for those who can do it; even more for those who can juggle keeping the house clean and the kiddos content. Me, I have a hard time just getting the energy to get dressed some days. To be fair, I have been ill and mostly housebound, but still. I miss being able to walk out my door and down the street on the sidewalk to a park or a running track to jog, or to a store, or even to be able to rely on city transit to save money.

The Bald man FINALLY got a good job, pending a background check and TB test (medical support technician), with the VA, so our money issues are hopefully going to be seriously less severe, but when you don't drive and you live in the middle of nowhere, money doesn't do a whole hell of a lot. Luckily, I am working on getting my license and we do plan on getting a second vehicle, so I can travel around with little man as needed. I miss being able to get around alone!

I guess what I miss most is a city environment in general. I miss being able to go to a 24 hour store if needed, or being able to catch a bus every half an hour or so, etc. If only I could convince Bald Man that a city may be an option. We talked about our options after getting to Albany for his background check and TB test, and while a city is out of the question, we are talking about moving further south, closer to his work place, and close to the freeway. He won't consider Plattsburgh (although I don't consider THAT a city anyway...), but anything south of this evil hellhole is better than nothing!! I wish he'd consider Albany, but that would only be an option after I finish my master's and hopefully get a job at the VA...and even then, he's bound and determined to buy his grandmother's old property about 20 minutes away from Albany. Not my favorite place in the world even though the view is great. Still, it would be better than here. What am I saying....ANY place is better than here. Maybe it'd be different if we lived in the village proper, where there are at least sidewalks to walk on safely, maybe not....but after a trip to Albany I know what I do miss.

Indian sovereignty

Yes, this deviates from the usual mommy stuff, but it's big in the news up here and I've been thinking a lot about this.
If you don't know about the Iroquois Lacrosse team issues, here's a link to tell you more about the issue Iroquois Lacrosse issue, but to cut to the chase: the team from the Iroquois Nation was invited to compete in an international competition. The US Initially refused to honor their Iroquois nation passports and would deny them re-entry into the US on the way home, which led the UK to deny them visitor visas. As such, they could not compete in a competition in a sport that they invented thousands of years ago!

This all boiled down to recognizing the Iroquois Nation as a sovereign nation with recognition for their documents that equal passports. While I understand that the US and Canada have both offered to issue passports to the Iroquois people, the Iroquois are recognized as being separate from both countries, especially since both countries have reservations along the border.
Do I understand the need for more security for both nations, and more technologically advanced passports? Yes. However, I also feel that there could have been an alternative presented to help the Iroquois nation preserve their rights and freedoms as a sovereignty and keep up with security advances.
Why not have the security administration work with a liaison for the Iroquois nation in creating new passports that recognize the sovereignty status and still have the security encryptions needed for travel in the world. While it may be seen as some as an invasion of the Government to try and take over the Iroquois, perhaps there is a way to show how it can preserve the sovereignty status.

Maybe I'm naive, but it just seems like a lot of Sturm und Drang over something that can easily be rectified.

A Flat face = "retarded"?!?!?!

This has been nagging at me for awhile, so I need to vent. SuperGrammy's sister recently told her that because Monkey Child has a flat face that he is likely to be "retarded".
First of all, this thinking and assumption is based on ignorance and stupidity. The shape of one's face does not dictate mental retardation (eye shape and other particular features can be indicators, but not just having a flat face). and calling someone "retarded" is very outdated. It's "developmentally disabled".
Second, he underwent genetic testing when he was born because of the spina bifida, and that was one of the first things he was screened for! and he came back with a normal chromosomal mapping with no trisomies or anything.
Third, she did not have the balls to say this to our faces, but told my mother in law, who quickly defended our son and told us when it happened.
Lastly, why would it matter if he was developmentally disabled? He's still a sweet, lovable child, and is deserving of love.
This is the same aunt that, when we announced we were pregnant after seven years of trying, shouted "Finally! It's about time!" While I try not to take anything this woman says with a grain of salt, this just pissed me off. She's not the brightest bulb in the sign, and even her daughters admit she has some serious mental issues that require commitment to a psych ward but she will never get the help she needs, but this....this was the last straw. We told SuperGrammy that from now on we would prefer that she not take Monkey Child to her sister's house, and that if that becomes an issue to please let us know and we would make other arrangements for child care, and she agrees to that completely. I am hoping that we do not have to see or deal with this woman ever, but since she lives in the area it might not be possible to avoid her. We do plan on boycotting any family events involving her, and Bald Man's dad would not go if we don't go, which means a lot.

GRRR!!!! How can ignorance like that be combated if the person who is ignorant is unwilling to listen to reason, logic, and scientific proof????

ACK!!! Where did nine years go????

some of my high school classmates are beginning to plan our 10 year reunion...ACK!!!!!

Where the hell did nine years go? OMG OMG OMG


I want to go; there are people I would like to see again, and I would like to visit Vegas again, since I haven't been there since moving away, but seriously???? I didn't have the best high school experience. I did have a few friends, but overall, I didn't fit in anywhere. This is saying a lot considering I went to a magnet school where to outsiders we were ALL considered freaks and geeks. For those who have seen Glee, think an entire school of music like that. Sort of like the Fame school set in the desert. I was in the academic side of it, and I wasn't a popular person (more like the annoying one people tolerated). I wasn't top of the class, but I wasn't middle of the road...and I definitely pissed people off. I had friends, then I didn't. Yes, I had a lot of family drama that made me have some serious issues that attributed to that, but still.
Have I changed since high school? Didn't have much of a choice in that area. Have the people I went to school with? That's what I wonder. I know some are still awesome and nice, and I chat with them via Facebook (ah, the magic of that social network....), but I am scared to go there and see some old, I guess I'd call them differences of opinion come up. I'm worried that once all the cliques see each other again, they'll split off and then I'll be on the outside again.

I have a year, I guess. A year to lose some weight (there is a LOT to lose), plan the trip out there (going to try and fit in some time visiting my family out there at the same time), etc. Here's hoping that things go okay.

So tired...

So after the past few nights, I think I am pretty sure the Monkey Child will definitely be the only kiddo, at least that I carry and give birth to. He's been on a growth spurt as well as cutting those really sharp teeth, so his sleep patterns are off and leaves his Mama so very tired. Sleeping when he sleeps is not an option when he will only sleep in our bed or with me rocking in the recliner (I swear, my calves have never had such a workout as they had last night. Rocked him for 5 hours....). The transition to straight solid foods is slow going, but improving. We're breaking him of the bottle habit as of July first, and he's only down to one in the morning and maybe one at night.
I just wish the Bald Man would realize that I REALLY do not want to go through all the risks and dangers of another pregnancy, EVER. The problem lies in the fact that I believe in adoption as an option, but he's not sold on it. I would love to wait until I finish grad school and get settled into a job, then look into adopting a child somewhat close in age to Monkey Child so that he can have a playmate.
To go through another pregnancy would mean constant monitoring, bedrest from 14 weeks on, risk of abruption or placental problems, and a guarantee of a child likely to need some NICU time. Why subject my family to all of that, and the stress of bedrest, when there are so many children out there who need homes?

-----

The Daycare hunt still goes on. Most places in our area have a very long waiting list, and some cannot take him at all because of the asthma. We have one more place to call and leave a voicemail, and if that isn't an option I am going to put him on the waiting list at Bright Beginnings, which is run by the YMCA in Plattsburgh. I've had friends who have worked there, and some people I know had their kids there, and it's awesome. A little more expensive than home care, but definitely better for socialization, etc, which is why I am looking into it. As much as I appreciate SuperGrammy's help of once a week, she's not very reliable, especially when it comes to sticking to a schedule. We will still have to rely on her until he can get in, but until we get him into a place, I am only planning on taking one class at a time (the program I am in allows you to take either one or two at a time). If we can potty train him early we may be able to get him in sooner rather than later. :-) We'll see how that goes over time. He's definitely not ready yet...

Mother's Day....dreading it....

I love my husband, I really do. However, he does not seem to understand the concept of gifts. For Valentine's Day he gave me a little jewelry box...that he got free after picking out his pocket watch that I said I would buy him for V-Day. He knows I am not into gifts of flowers, since they only last so long unless they are a plant. For my birthday last year he bought me a game I told him NOT to get because I didn't want it and because I knew I would never have time to play it.

Mother's Day is coming, and while he's getting wise and asking me what I want, it's not that simple. I know what I want, but I know it's not feasible right now with our budget and his schedule. What I want is 48 hours all to myself, away from the Monkey Child and the Booger Head, and maybe a chance to feel girly. I live in a house full of boys, and always have, so there are times I want to feel feminine and pretty. Of course, as a man he does not understand that, but still. How am I supposed to translate that into something he can actually do?

a new DSM Category: Mommy Fatigue

You know, the new DSM V is coming out soon (or already is, I'm not sure), and there is one disorder that I think should have been listed in there: Mommy Fatigue.
I'm not talking about Postpartum Depression, which is actually in the DSM under depressive disorders, but Mommy Fatigue. Mommy Fatigue symptoms can include depression, but are not exclusive to that diagnosis. 

Other moms, you know what I am talking about, but for those who don't, let's go over the diagnostic criteria:

Has to deal with at least three of the following criterion:

1: A lack of sleep after child birth until age 18 for at least one of the following sub categories:
a. feeding every hour on the hour
b. teething hell
c. storms or dreams that scare kiddos into hysterics

2: little to no outside support from spouses/significant others in regards to helping around the house or with child care
a. working mothers and single parents can count this as two points towards diagnosis.
b. mothers who work from home (ie, writers, home sales, etc) can count this as triple.

3: If you have enough whole grain in your hair to count towards your dietary goal of the day....(inability to get all the baby cereal out of your hair, etc...)

4: Inability to keep up with dishes or household chores:
a. if your significant other leaves you more messes, especially after you just finish cleaning up the rest of the house, this is a different category
b. you misread the label of a sample of dish soap and have an entire kitchen of suds from using the wrong soap in the dishwasher is a good example

5: Significant others leave messes or are very disorganized and expect the mother figure to take care of it all.
a. Thoughts of violence towards said significant others is a key sign that this criterion is met

6: Loss of all ability to spend money on oneself; money is delegated to stuff for the kids or household
a. if you are given money to spend on yourself and still spend it on others, give yourself two points and a prepaid visa card to spend on yourself....

7: Hearing the same tune over and over again after singing it over and over again to get a child to sleep
a. extra points to those that figure out that "Twinkle Twinkle" and the "ABC's" are the same melody

Unfortunately, there is no real cure. Time away from the family can help, but it is a never ending cycle. Note that it does end after 18 years; that is, 18 years after the youngest leaves home....unless you have a significant other. In that case, you're screwed....

Not trying anymore

I finally got my yearly exam with the new doctor. I really liked her; she actually listened to me and treated me with respect. Got the exam part over quickly with a minimum of discomfort.
We discussed the PCOS and she put me back on my normal dose of Metformin and Birth Control Pills to help keep hormone levels in balance. She also put me in for a quick ultrasound to check for cysts and to see how bad the bicornuate uterus was, since the old doctor's office never noted the severity of the septum. Turns out that it is SEVERE. As she put it, I was lucky to make it to 34 weeks in pregnancy with Monkey Child, especially with having been admitted once with contractions at 26 weeks from the stomach flu.
While there is surgery to correct the bicornuate, it is not a common surgery; it turns out that it causes more problems than solutions in regards to fertility. Having one more child is technically an option, but it would require strict bed rest (until the lungs are developed enough for survival out of the womb), which is NOT an option at all at any time, even down the line when Monkey Child is in school. Super Gammy is not reliable for help, as she recently proved by not coming home from Philly as asked by her husband when our latest crisis with the car and oven occurred (and forgetting that she was supposed to babysit today...).
I've talked it over with the Bald Man, and he finally agreed that Monkey Child is going to be our only. While it does make me sad, I'm also relieved that I don't have to deal with the stresses that come with a high risk pregnancy again. I would have liked to have had another baby, but when the risks to my health and the health of an unborn child are as high as they are, I don't think it's the smart move.

the Terrors of Teething and other trials...

Monkey Child is teething again.

I know it's a part of growing up, and I am happy that Monkey Child has his come in as sets instead of one by one, but OMG! It's when we're in the middle of this teething hell that I seriously question having another child.

Right now, I really am unsure about it. I love my son, and I would love to give him a little play mate, but maybe there are other ways to do that. Our friends have a son only a week older of him, and I found out about a play group in the next village over that he could have fun in, as well as one on Fridays in Plattsburgh, but I would have to work with Super Grammy on those to make sure we wouldn't be stuck down there all night.

I mean, I am already having to cope with one toddler, plus the disabled Bald Man, plus the serious problems of Booger Child and trying to get him out of my damn house, I'm not sure it's even worth having another child. We can handle it financially, sort of, but space-wise, and stress-wise, I don't know if it's even worth trying again. We do own our own home, and own it outright (no mortgage), but our trailer is only a single wide and has only two bedrooms and one bathroom. Space is TIGHT. Bald Man is waiting on his status for Social Security, and they do a retroactive payment from the day the claim was filed (he is VERY limited in what he can do now and even when he finishes his degree...anyway), so we may be able to get a larger trailer (maybe even a doublewide!), but I cannot count on that.

Am I crazy? (Shush, Mad Cow!)

Grrr!!!!!

I am usually pretty tolerant. I know people have different beliefs and opinions, and that's okay. I usually keep my opinions to myself unless someone really pushes me, and even then, I tell the pusher that we can have different beliefs and the world will still go around. But REALLY!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/mcclatchy/20100318/pl_mcclatchy/3455226

Attacking an orphaned 11 year old??? That's just wrong. Not that I like the idea of using orphaned kids to push a political agenda in the first place, but to attack the CHILD is just abhorrent.

I am a liberal in most aspects; I believe in tolerance and open expression. I think the only things I fall into the conservative category about are the death penalty (I am pro-death penalty. It's a family reason) and the military issues (I am not pro-war, I am pro supporting the troops who serve and their families who sacrifice a lot), and even in those issues I tend to lean to the moderate line. I support the idea of a universal health care system, so that people who need treatment can get it when they need it. Whenever I hear of people opposing it, I think of Baking Queen, whose husband spent years of his life in the military and while he has health coverage through the Veteran's Administration, she has no health care coverage. I've noticed the most vocal of the opponents to universal health care are those who can afford to get insurance, or even better, have it through their employers. I lucked out in qualifying for state health care because the Bald Man doesn't make enough to buy a policy, but others aren't so lucky, especially those who get social security but collect too much in that to get medical coverage...

This piece of news just makes me want to be more vocal. Not easy to do in a conservative area, but hey, that's what a blog is for...I am all for free press (LOL, working for a newspaper sort of forces that issue), but you NEVER attack a child, no matter what. How can these pundits call themselves journalists? There are ethics, dammit! You don't attack a victim and you DEFINITELY do NOT attack a child!!

*holding up mug of tea* Here's hoping the health care bill passes!

A Farewell to Starbucks Coffee....

I have IBS, which is a huge pain because I have to watch what I eat even more than on a diet. Certain foods can cause an episode, which means no more broccoli (which I miss a lot, because it's my favorite veggie), no more grapes, or even oranges. Over time, more foods cause a reaction, so it sucks royally.
The latest trigger item has become my most beloved drink: Starbucks Coffee. I am a coffee snob, I admit this freely. I will NOT drink any other coffee; I don't even brew it at home. I converted Mad Cow to drinking it, and countless others.
Today it was so horrid, I've had to make the sad decision to give up my coffee. I will still go to Starbucks, but now it's going to have to be for non-coffee stuff, like the delicious Caramel Apple Spice. But damn it, it won't be the same!!
I guess it's good I'm giving it up; after all, I should give up caffeine anyway if I want a healthy pregnancy, etc.

Farewell, my beloved Starbucks, I will miss thee...
From the time Zukster and Meddy addicted me
To the lovely new drink that came out recently...

What ever happened to....?

...the good and very educational TV shows of before? I'm talking about shows like Little Bill, which only shows now on Nick Jr. once a day. This show is awesome. it shows a sense of community, and social skills, as well as diversity in both race issues and disabilities. Blue's Clues shows how to problem solve, people with disabilities, and is just amusing.
It's like TV nowadays doesn't even address the issue of diversity at all. It seems as though shows like Oswald, Pinky Dinky Doo, and all those other shows are focused more on the reading and writing and arithmetic. That's all well and good; but seriously, kids get a lot of the math and word work already no matter where they live, but not every kid gets the chance to see people of other cultural groups or disabilities where they live. I mean, I live in an area with VERY little diversity, and the only real disabled person Monkey Child will see on a regular basis is The Bald Man. We don't have a religious belief in this family other than acceptance and tolerance of others, so we're wanting to teach him more about all faiths.
I swear, teaching children about differences and diversity is not an easy feat, and I always wonder how we're supposed to do this in this day and age if the opportunities aren't available in the area you live in.... 

Missing the Military...sometimes

Sometimes I miss the military life. I miss the base housing that power and water were paid for, I miss the medical with no co-pay, and I miss the inexpensive commisary and base exchange. I miss the steady paycheck twice a month, rather than the once a month disability check.
However, what I don't miss about the military are the doctors themselves. While I did have one AWESOME PA (PA Hot Stuff), I don't miss the doctors who treated me like crap, and the ones who said "It's a good thing you're miscarrying because you're too young to have children." or the one who brushed me off when I has a three month long period. That's right: THREE MONTHS. It didn't end until The Bald Man got out of the service and we moved up here. I go into my first doctor's appointment up here and the only good doc in the practice (the practice the last blog is directed to) was able to fix it right away. Not only did the other one brush me off, but after the ultrasound I INSISTED on to check for endometrosis the string of pearls was visible but dismissed. I finally got my records from the military after the bleeding ended, and as soon as I showed them to Good Doc, he was able to diagnose me with PCOS, and continued to say that it should have been diagnosed years ago.
All that misery, seriously, just makes me happy I am out of that lifestyle. There are other things I don't miss, like the cattiness and bitchiness that sometimes comes with military wives (except for a few, like Mad Cow and Baking Queen), and the regs for behavior of wives.

A letter to my old doctor's office (what I wanted to write!)

To whom it SHOULD concern:

Yes, I am overweight. I already know this, seeing as how I live with my body every day, so there is no need to point this out to me. In other words, do not assume I am oblivious or stupid.
I am not stupid, so your patronizing tone is not necessary. Surprisingly, I do know how to read and write, and I can understand basic medical concepts. That bachelors degree in psychology hanging in my house is not just for show.
With that education, I do know how to do research. When I'm given a diagnosis that affects my day to day life, I am going to do my research and learn about different treatment options. I suggest that you keep up on your research if you plan on treating patients at all.
That being said, the lack of respect and dedication to keeping up on research from the staff of this practice is why I am taking my business elsewhere. I would rather be treated like an intelligent human being, not like an imbecile. I would rather be able to see my doctor within two weeks of calling, not having to call two months in advance to get an appointment to get an appointment with the one practitioner who listens.

Sincerely,

The person with a brain

Not a Perfect Mommy...but willing to try

One of the things that always bug me about maternity and parenting magazines is that they depict moms as smiling, effervescent and just overly perfect. Almost like a Stepford Wife vision of motherhood, The type who go into labor and instantly pop out a beautiful baby who sleeps through the night and takes to nursing like they have done it all their lives.

HA! While I am sure there are mothers out there who can look and act like that when with their children or when pregnant, I don't know of any who are...I know that while I enjoyed being pregnant after trying for so long, I certainly did not enjoy the weight gain, the break outs, the digestive issues, the bed rest, etc that came along with it. Nursing just didn't take, and while I became okay with that, I was sad that I couldn't even help my son with that. I couldn't carry him to term, and I couldn't stay with him when he was transported to Albany, and he was born with some birth defects that needed repair, so I was hoping that I could do at least that small thing, but no luck. I definitely am not perfect.

Sometimes it makes me wonder if I should even try to have another kid.

I love my son. He is the light of my life and a joy to watch as he learns and explores his world. But I'm not perfect. Sometimes I resent the 2A.M. wake up calls and the lack of privacy. I miss having down time where I can write (like I am now, ha ha), or read (reading to him does not count). I miss watching a TV show during the day where there are not animated characters or brightly colored dancing magical figures with a neon orange-clad puppet master. You know it's bad when you have a Percocet induced dream (post surgery, mind you) involving those characters and the phallic symbol actually acts like a...well, you get the picture.

All these things make me seriously question whether or not to have another child. After all, I do have a birth defect of my own that makes it near impossible to carry a child to term without surgery, as well as fertility issues that cause weight problems and insulin resistance. Any future child would be certain to be premature and require specialized care three hours away postpartum, unless I spend the last trimester on bed rest; that would mean taking time away from caring for my son, except for story time and snuggle time.

But I do love children, and I always hated being a only child for as long as I was, and I hated being so much older than my brothers and cousins. I want my child to have a playmate who is at home and will always be there for them no matter what happens in life. I have so much respect for those who have made the choice to have only one child, and if I thought I could handle that I would make that choice as well; but I can't.

So here goes the start of my journey to become a mommy the second time around. Time to throw out the birth control and get down to business....at least, once we get some private time without our son sleeping in our room!